Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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