So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
