I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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