mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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