I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize