he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
