I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
