I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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