hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize