god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
