Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
