Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
