the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
