remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
