I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
