I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize