who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You need Xanax blowdarts
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
