im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
