he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
