Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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