i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
