And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
