so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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