i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
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i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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