I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
