She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
