he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
