no, he came in my armpit
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
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Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
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Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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