I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
