Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
