She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
