Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You are a genius and a whore.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
