If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
