Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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