The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
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