wrigley field is MILF paradise
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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