this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
