tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
