I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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