planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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