another moral hangover. fuck.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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