I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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