when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
