i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
