I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
