He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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