She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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