Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
