And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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