I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
