id be glad to
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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