I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
