that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
