Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
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You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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