he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
