can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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