i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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