I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
