remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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