No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
