Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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