16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
