So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
